Bonding with children beyond loss & grief

The same young widowed mom [YY, GRM Sep 2018] featured in May 2019 blog, has been using correct information to lead her to correct choices towards her own recovery and that of her 4 children, age ranging from 7 to 16.

I spent a day in February 2019 with all of them as a family and dialogued about how they were feeling. They were very open to hear each other out and to share. They bonded very well together as they played ‘Super Mario’ tv games.

I had come across this quick list on helping children grieve, and YY has done all listed below:

“How to help a grieving child” These lessons have been adapted from the book 35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child, The Dougy Center. 503-775-5683
-answer the questions they ask, even the hard ones
-give the child choices whenever possible
-talk about and remember the person who died
-respect differences in grieving styles
-listen without judgment
-hold a memorial service and allow for saying goodbye

I took the opportunity to affirm her love for her children and all her endeavors. I added the points below for her continuing bonding with them:
-schedule protected individual time with each child
-continue to listen to them when they need to express themselves
-reply honestly without being defensive
– spiritual faith questions might come up later. (Even pastors’ children ask, ‘What if I don’t believe in God anymore? Will you still love me?’ when they go through challenging times in their lives.)

It was so beautiful to watch how secure the children were, in who they are to each other and to their mom. Kudos to a mom who truly loves her children!!

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